Half of Half
by lucy sinclair
Summary: If cleaning out my closet was half one shots, these are half of those halfs. A friend of mine gave me a challenge to make a story and include two things. In light of that if anone else wants to submit me anything along that nature- I'd be more than happy to write something for you. Just give me your SP couple, two things to incorprate, and I'll see what I can do for you.
1. Blue nailpolish and cinnamon

**[[Ok so here's the first piece for casey. She asked me to do this and well- I think I failed. But nonethless here- I'm sorry. The things were blue nailpolish and cinnamon]]**

"I can't believe you talked me into this." I frowned and tried to will my laser beam eyes to reactivate itself so I could melt that cheeky bastard across from me with it. No luck. Damn.

"Oh get over it Craigie. I- for one- am having a marvelous time." Kenny McCormick smirked at me while his hands soaked in a small chipped and cracked plastic bowl.

This was a new low for me.

Not only was I spending my time with Kenny instead of my boyfriend- I was spending it playing nail salon with his little sister and mine.

"Ok- I couldn't find any black- but I found some blue." Karen, Kenny's little sister and my sister's best friend, burst back into Kenny's messy room with a small box full of a bunch of nail polish, files, and different kinds of ominous looking bottles for nail care. I wondered how everything the McCormick family owned looked worn and broken, yet Karen seemed to have a lot of nice things as Kenny did. . In fact I noticed that despite the modest accommodations, Karen's clothes were fairly new and she looked and smelled very clean. I remember before how skinny and dirty faced not only she, but Kenny too used to be. Not skinny and lanky like they were now- a kind of sickly skinny. But now they looked well fed and looked after. It dawned on my that that was probably Kenny's doing. He always seemed to have money despite him not having any allowance to speak of.

"Am I going to have to buy you more black?" Kenny asked sweetly like a doting big brother he so uncharacteristically was. Karen smiled back adoringly.

"Yeah! The sparkly one!"

"You got it. In the meantime I'll take whatever color you got for me Miss nail salon girl." This was so sweet I could honestly barf.

"I want to do Kenny's nails." Ruby mumbled. I rolled my eyes at the little crush she had on Kenny. I wondered if that's why someone like her, a Tucker, befriended miss sunshine Karen McCormick. Then again I guess befriending odd balls was a Tucker trait, hell knows that's the only way I could explain most of my friendships.

"Ok! I'll do Craig's!" Karen smiled cutely and looked at me. I suppressed the urge to roll my eyes at her. She was the only real girl in Kenny's life. Kenny would get homicidal at anyone who was mean to Karen. He gave me a look that said asked me to play along, with the small undertone of impending death should I be mean to Karen like I was to Ruby. We all can't be best big brothers like Kenny- Ruby and I fought and that was that. But even though I was an asshole- I wasn't a total one. I could be accommodating too.

"Ok. Sure, go for it." I stuck my hand forward. Why the fuck not?

"Ok! I got some blue nail polish for you!" She smiled, taking out the electric blue bottle and unscrewing the cap. She brought the brush out and very carefully began wiping the color on my nails. I'm not sure if the fact that the nail came out perfectly painted was a good thing or bad. I looked at my freshly painted middle finger and all it's fucking blue glory.

"Is it pretty?" Karen asked me, little plain brown eyes hopeful with praise. Shit. I glanced at Kenny and knew exactly what he wanted me to say.

"Yeah- uh- very pretty. Good job." She smiled in a way that resembled Kenny's real smile and went back to do the rest of my hand.

I take that back before- now I hit an all time low.

I mouthed to him how badly he owed me for this. I didn't come here to be a client at the Jr. nail salon- I was hoping for a little bud and bitching. I could do both with Kenny. Clyde did the bud- but refused letting me bitch. Token let me bitch, but didn't like doing bud. So Kenny was the winner. But I got saddled with watching Ruby while my mom had a job interview and Kenny insisted I come over anyway and bring her over so the two could play.

"There- I'm done!" Karen declared giving me an enthusiastic smile. I twitched my lips up to the best of my ability. I stared at the electric blue and wished the color would fucking electrocute me to death.

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Now I'll do the other one!" She cheered and sure enough started painting my other hand. I grumbled in my head about how shitty my day was.

I woke up, late, my alarm clock didn't go off. I ran my ass to school, accidentally stepping in a puddle just at the gate. I got in to my second class late, completely missing my first one and the test I was supposed to take no less. I was too late to get assigned partners for our English assignment and got saddled with fucking Eric Cartman. After which I finally was able to get a break at morning break. I went to the usual spot and ended up coming face to face with and an angry Tweek. He yelled at me for not answering my phone in the morning. How freaked out he was that he never got a response and how inconsiderate it was of me to ignore him.

"You could've been dead man, like- what the hell!"

I, of course, told him to chill the fuck out with his crazy theories, then tried to kiss him because I had not done it. All to which he promptly shoved his fist in my chest and stomped away, mumbling something about me being a jerk and not getting it. Then he ran before I could catch him and hid so well I couldn't find him. All day he refused my texts during class, and I had to make up that fucking test during lunch so I couldn't find him. He didn't show up after school to walk home with me so I decided to find Kenny instead. And bam, now I'm here. Wasn't the shittiest day I've had but it was pretty bad.

"Done! Now all you need to do is let them dry!" I yawned and thanked the little McCormick to the best of my ability after reminiscing about my shit day and coming to the realization that the chance of seeing Tweek this weekend was probably shot too because I didn't find him at all and he tended to hold grudges.

"Wow Karen, Craig's nails look so pretty! Good job. You too Ruby! This was one of the best manicures I've ever had." How did Kenny pull that shit off?

"I need to step outside." I really needed a smoke. I got completely dismissed as the little girls were fawning over the blond, so thank god I was able to slip out. I passed b the empty house and threw the door open. The cold was welcomed as I dug into my pocket for my pack. I reached for a cigarette and found myself pausing. I told Tweek I'd cut back. After all his tongue was usually in my mouth and sometimes I knew I tasted like an ash tray. I already had three today. I was borderline stepping his acceptable amount for the day. Should I even give a shit when he was mad at me? Fuck it. I reached for a cylinder tube and took out my lighter. I held the lighter to the tip but paused before it made contact.

Fuck.

I groaned knowing I couldn't do it. Stupid little twitch kid was still in my brain. This wasn't fair. Why couldn't I have a drag from spite? It was the perfect excuse. But I still found myself stuffing my cigarette back in the carton and stuffing a cinnamon mint gum in my mouth. I chewed angrily.

"Craig?" I snapped my head at the side of the house where the familiar voice came from. Tweek stood there looking nervous. I simply stared. Oh so now he wanted to talk to me? With blue nails and cinnamon breath. Perfect. His timing was awesome. I looked away and folded my arms, leaning against the wall. He bit his lip and walked closer to me, "C-Clyde told me where you were so I- well- I- I'm sorry." That caught my attention. I looked over and raised a brow, "I know I over reacted and stuff- and I forget that you're a good boyfriend and stuff. I- I- oh Jesus Christ."

"I know," I shrugged. He pursed his lips and glared a little, "I meant about how you over react. It's fine."

"B-but I always bitch at you. I- I know I do and-" God this kid. We always squabbled like this and even though I've gotten used to it he always acted like it was bigger than it was. It was ok though. I've accepted it and didn't really mind. As long as we made up.

"Come here damn it." I demanded. Tweek walked over and sagged forward to lean on my chest, "I don't care when you get bitchy. It's when you ignore me I get pissed. I was having a shitty day and I wanted to spend time with you."

"I'm sorry. I- I know I'm overly paranoid and I just get so crazy when you don't answer me because I just love you so much and I'd just die if- even though I know the chances of something happening to you are- I can't help."

" It's fine. And I'm sorry I downplay your issues." I wanted no more about it. I leaned down and brushed our mouths together. I moved my arms out from between our chests and yanked his hips forward by his belt loops. He made a little noise at the force and when I took the opportunity to invade his mouth with my own. I had a bad day so I thought getting a little rough was ok. Thankfully Tweek didn't mind and just hooked his arms around my neck as I stepped forward, snagging his small waist with my arm and running my other to the back of his head to give our kiss a little more power so our tongues to mess around in the seamlessness area out mouths made. I finally let him go, lips slightly red, and he smiled.

"You taste like cinnamon." He grinned. Meaning I didn't taste like cigarettes. It was wrong that I was overly happy I pleased him. He placed his fingers in mine and blew a bubble, "Did you want your gum back?" I laughed and leaned in to take it back with my mouth.

"Come on, I'm stuck on a play date with McCormick and you're going to suffer with me." I pulled him towards the door. He hummed and caught up to my stride.

"Hey Craig."

"Hmm?"

"Why are your nails blue?"


	2. Makeouts and Cockblocks

**[[Wow- thanks fr the responce guys xD I'm happy you guys like my writing enough to want me to write some stuff for ya ;D I'm not worthy! In any case I will do all your requests and in the order they were given to me. I wish I was faster but I will definately get to them as soon as I can! I promise!**

**This one is about heavy makeouts and cockblocks**

**For AzyumiChan**

**Hope you like]]**

"A-ah!" Tweek moaned, his hands clenched into fists, effectively scraping his nails against my neck while the other yanked my hair quite delectably. A groan bubbled out my throat as he pushed his lips back to mine and nipped on my bottom one. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about being the kinky type who liked getting my hair pulled, but I was too into the haze of our make out to be embarrassed about it now. All I wanted was for him to do it again. I already had my hand inside his shirt, feeling the dip of his side, which was why he yanked on my hair. I slid my hand down to his hip and circled his jutted out hip bone with my thumb, "Craig." His mouth whispered harshly against my mouth.

"Fuck." I groaned again when he slipped his hand up my shirt and rose it up to rest on my chest. It gave me a jolt of electricity to move my hand from his hip to the curve of his ass. He gasped and for a moment I thought he was going to shove me away, but he simply inhaled sharply, then gave my hair another pull like I wanted. At the same time, moving his hands to dig into my back to rake his nails down it. He took the opportunity to start giving me some quick kisses down my neck. He latched onto the side of my neck where it met my shoulder and started sucking, leaving an inevitable hickey. I turned him over, making his mouth and arms detach from me, and looked down at him. He panted under me and trembled, "Can I- do you want to-" I wasn't quite sure how to make the words _'Do you want to have sex?'_ come out without possibly freaking him out.

Though I guess it shouldn't. We talked about this last week, completely on a whim too. We were at a party and were trying to find somewhere private to have some alone time. We accidentally walked in on a couple having sex and of course we closed it quickly and got the hell out of there. Tweek was laughing, drunk, and commented why no one ever locked the door. I just shrugged and tried to find another room for us to mess around in. He kept going on about how parties always made people horny and how weird that was.

"Couples usually have sex at parties, it's like the law." That's the only line I remember before Tweek said it.

"Maybe we should have sex sometime."

Yes he was drunk. Yes there was a good chance he didn't really mean it. But lately our kissing had become more deep and- well- arousing. Neither of us had ever had sex before and we had been dating for a little over a year- I guess it was about time.

"N-now?" Tweek asked, his face pink with a blush. I nodded.

"If you want to."

"I uh-" His blue eyes were nearly eaten by the obsidian pupils. A smile graced his features before he reached up and pulled on the fabric of my shirt, "Yeah. I- yes." My heart ricocheted in my chest as I let him pull me down on him, his legs wrapping themselves around my waist.

Fuck. This was happening. Finally I was going to do it. We were going to do it. The time was right and we were alone and everything felt perf-

"Craig! Open the door asshole! Craig!"

No- that- this is a god damned conspiracy!

"I-is that Clyde?" Tweek asked, pushing me off of him. My body almost hurt at the gesture. I know he didn't mean anything by it- other than there would be no action with the presence of my best friend. But that still was fucking horrible. Especially with an aching erection in my jeans.

"How the fuck did he get in my house?" I sat on the back my legs and ran my hand through my hair, trying to calm down.

I was going to kill him.

This was the fucking fifth time this week!

Ever since Tweek had given me the ok and we would get hot and heavy Clyde somehow managed to interrupt us.

What's more is I think he knew what he was doing too.

I wasn't a typical guy but I wasn't so stoic and emotionless as people thought. So naturally when I knew that sex was going to happen in the near future, that I would be losing my virginity, I did end up bragging a little to my best friends. Token had been the first of us to lose it. And it looked as though I was about to be second. Clyde heard this and threw a fit. He'd been in a relationship with Bebe Stevens on and off for two years and they haven't even gotten as far as third base. In short- he didn't like the idea of being last to lose it. I told him to stop being a baby and that it didn't matter. All to which he promptly vowed that if he couldn't have sex, I wouldn't either.

I didn't take his threat seriously at the time, but now I was beginning to suspect that Mr. Donovan was making good on that threat.

Every god damn time I made a move on Tweek, he's somehow pop up. To be fair- it was at school a lot. And sometimes even in my car. But he always showed up to break the mood. Always.

He was turning into a huge cockblock.

"U-uh- Maybe I should go home." Tweek looked absolutely embarrassed. He sat up and began fixing his hair and clothes that have been sufficiently tussled and wrinkled.

"No. I'll get rid of him." I promised. Clyde wasn't going to ruin this golden opportunity. This was war now. I jumped off my bed, only taking time to yank my shirt down.

"Craig! I need your help! I can't figure out this math problem!" Clyde whined bt with a smirk on his face. Little fucker knew what he did.

"So you come to my house?" I narrowed my eyes at him. He giggled.

"I want to get it done in time for my date with Bebe tonight." I was going to punch his face in, I swear to god.

"Tough shit tubby. Now get the fuck out of here will you?"

"Did I interrupt something?" He asked cheekily, eyes staring at the mark I knew Tweek made on my neck.

"Yes," I said not bothering to hide it. He knew and I knew he knew, "And god as my witness I'll destroy everything you love if you don't get out of here Donovan."

"Fine. Don't help me." Clyde pouted. I raised a brow. I did not expect him to just- give up. He was a crybaby but that wasn't like him. He pushed past me and into my room, "Tweek! Why don't you help me!"

He's so dead.

"Ah! Uh- s-sure. Ok. I guess."

How will I do it? Gun? Knife? Bomb? No- too simple for him.

"Hey- no. Get the fuck out." Clyde sat down next to Tweek and took out his math book.

Mother Fucker!

"Just this problem? Please, Tweek. It will only take a minute."

Fuck no. He did not just use his puppy pick up stare on my boyfriend. Tweek wasn't that much of a pushover like he was in elementary- but even I had caved in to that stare once when I was about to smash his teeth in. He actually got me to pause long enough to get away to contemplate why a douche bag like him had such a powerful, vulnerable stare. And that was me, Tweek had no chance.

"Come on Craig, just one?" Tweek looked at me with his normal eyes, and that alone made me cave. I couldn't refuse Tweek at all.

"Whatever." I lost this round- I was man enough to admit that. I had lost the moment and my libido no longer held conviction. Clyde grinned triumphantly as he settled next to Tweek and began going over the problems. I sighed and sat down at my desk.

Celebrate while you can, Clyde.

Because this wasn't over.

Not by a long shot.

Fucking cockblock.


	3. Kitties and Comfort

**[[Ok. Let me start out by saying this is my first time ever writting anything remotely close to Kyman. Truth be told I ship Kyle with Stan, Kenny, and on occasions- Christophe. But never with Cartman. It's not like I hate the pairing. It's just not my cup of tea. I always have fun writing them as enemies and that's usually the ticket. I really only ship Cartman with Wendy for reasons. **

**I'm telling you this because I got a few requests for fictions with Cartman in them. I like Cartman. He's fucking awesome. But I have a hard time writing for him becaue I have a hard time seeing him romantic- or even nice- to anyone.**

**With that said- that shouldn't suggest I won't complete a request simply becase I don't ship something or anything like that. What kind of writer would I be if I did that? But I will tell you that it may not be written very well because I have absolutely no idea how to write him in these situations that you're probably thinking. To me Kyman is no Creek or Style or K2 or anything else that I see working with fluff. The head cannons in my head tend to rule with their personalities with my writing. I writewhat their character wold do in a situation or what situations would cause them to act a cetain way because that's how i see it working out in my head. **

**So I apologize in advance to how shitty this might turn out because I wrote this with how I could get Kyle and Cartman in a hurt comfort situation and how they would react to it being the them I see them in my head. That probably doesn't make sense- I'm sorry.**

**I hope you can at least tolerate it :p**

**For IDRC]]**

"Mom- I still don't see why I couldn't do this at a normal hospital." I folded my arms and looked out the window.

"Well Kyle I just don't want you around all those sick people. Helping out is good but that's no reason to go and get yourself some kind of disease!"

"I doubt they would've let me get near any contagious patients mom. And if they did I'm sure I'd have sterilized things." I don't know why I bothered arguing. Maybe it was because it was all I could do now since no matter what, I'd be going to the South Park pet hospital.

_Because charity builds character. _

At least that's what my mother said to get me to spend two hours of my Saturday that I could be spending with Stan or Kenny, or with anyone else doing anything else rather than being in a damn hospital for pets. It's not like I hate animals- but they aren't my cup of tea. My mother refused any and all animals from our house so I couldn't really grow a fondness for them. Yet I was about to go volunteer at a place full of them.

Sometimes my life sucked.

I tried everything to get out of this. I played the sick card, scared card, busy car, even the last minute school assignment card. Nothing worked. Whether I liked it or not, I was going. And that was that.

"Well Kyle it's too late to change things now and I think you'll have a better time with the animals." My mother tucked a loose strand of her messy hair behind her ear. I sighed angrily and just turned to look out the window.

This day was going to suck.

* * *

"Alright Kyle you came on a good day. We have a lot of routine check ups and we even got a litter of kittens to come in and get their shots."

"Wonderful." I sighed sitting at the front desk of the small entrance room. The doctor was a man ripe with age but still looking quite fit. He was one of those old men you wished was your grandpa, or even just someone you knew. He looked like he had some great stories to tell. I wish I could be more enthusiastic about that though- but the whole situation wasn't one that could get lighter with an old man's smile.

"So your job is to answer the phones. Take appointments, check people in, and send them to the back. It's quite simple. Just come get me if you have any questions or need anything."

"Of course." I gave the best smile I could even though I wanted to roll my eyes. I felt bad though, it wasn't this guy's fault my mother was a crazy she-beast. He just offered the help my mother signed me up for. The least I could do was try to be a bit pleasant. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

I'm pretty sure someone out there hates me because right after that thought who should walk in but Craig Tucker.

"I swear to god Tweek, either get the fuck in here or give me Stripe the second and go back and wait in the car." I groaned internally, "Why did you ask to come if you were scared of this place." It wasn't that I hated Craig so much as that our personalities clearly didn't mesh well at all. He hung out with Stan and Kenny a lot so naturally I was there too, but I didn't like him and he didn't like me. I wasn't the type to just take his abuse like most people. Everyone said it was how he showed affection, I just say that's him being an asshole. Whatever.

"I- I'm not scared! I- I just don't want to drop Stripe man! If I walk too fast I'll trip!" I definitely liked Tweek better. He may have been a bit caffeinated but at least he was nice and interesting. And if you knew him well enough he was funny as hell and uncharacteristically cynical- but it was wrapped up in a certain charm that Craig couldn't hope to possess. He was in a lot of my AP classes so I spoke to him a lot. It was still beyond me why he hung out with Craig though. It was an odd pairing either way.

"Hey fire crotch, didn't know you worked here." Craig stomped up to the desk. Tweek held Craig's guinea pig that even I had to admit was very well looked after, "Appointment for Stripe Tucker." Wow- he even gave it his last name. That was weird.

"H-hey Kyle! You work here?"

"Hey Tweek. Craig, "Craig snorted at me and Tweek just smiled, "No, just volunteering here against my will." I took out the appointment book and looked for Craig's name.

"That- That sucks. Did you finish the English assignment yet?" Tweek scratched the little ball of fluff in his arms and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"No. I got shit tons of more paragraphs to add and look over."

"Well I can help you w-with the words if you can help me with the e-editing. Want to hang out later t-to finish it?"

"I thought _we_ were hanging out all day today." Craig snapped, making me look up in disbelief. Was Craig looking Jealous or had I already gone delirious with boredom? "Besides isn't fire crotch here all day?" I think he was. Wow.

"Actually I'm only here for a few hours. I'd love to hang out with you Tweek." I held my grin in as Craig's eyes flashed at me. God he was so transparent.

"W-well I guess I did promise Craig I'd- is tomorrow ok?" Tweek asked looking at me nervously. I suppressed a laugh.

"Sure dude. It'll probably be best if we work together the whole day anyway. You know how our teacher is." I smirked at Craig's lowering frown, "You can go right in. The doctor will see you now."

"S-See you tomorrow Kyle!" Tweek smiled as Craig dragged him to the back. I laughed as soon as they left. It didn't quite cover it, but pissing Craig off did compensate my being here just a little.

* * *

A guinea pig. Two dogs. A cat. And a parrot. The day was slow but I would be clocking out soon and hopefully never have to do this shit again. I yawned. I wonder if it's too late to call Stan up and ask him to come hang out with me since I was going to do all my homework tomorrow. It was probably better to try Kenny. Stan would probably be hanging out with Red now since it looked like he and Wendy ended it for real last time. Don't want to be a cockblock.

"**_Emergency! Emergency! Someone help my fucking cat now_**!"

Holy shit!

The door practically shattered open as one distressed looking Eric Cartman burst through the door. I sprung up, my heart nearly pounding in my chest from his violent entry.

"Cartman? What's-" Cartman grabbed my collar and used his monstrous meaty arms to yank me forward, almost completely over my desk.

"_Don't just stand there Jew! Get the doctor for my fucking cat_!" I clutched his wrist with both of my hands and tried to make sense of his hysteria.

"Eric, what's the matter?" The doctor must've heard the commotion, because he came out from the back with a worried look on his face. Cartman dropped me flat on my face and went right for the vet.

"Doctor! Mr. Kitty! There was a car! And he- I couldn't- he needs help!" I collected myself off the floor to see Cartman handing a small bundle he was holding in his other arm. I groaned at the pain in my head as the doctor took it.

"Oh my- that's serious. Ok Eric. I'll go see what I can do. I need you to stay here though ok."

"Fuck you, he needs me!" Cartman screamed, his towering figure had a good half a head on the old man. The doctor wasn't fazed and simply placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Mr. Kitty can pick up on your distress. It won't be good for him. Stay here and I will let you know what happens." And as simple as that he disappeared in the back again. I was fixing my papers and such on my desk that got tossed over when Cartman practically swung me off the damn thing.

I couldn't help but feel a little worried for him though. I mean- Cartman was still an asshole. Worse than Craig. He never grew out of that. Even when he started 'relieving' his anger through sports and used his giant stature for football. Though to be fair he wasn't a severe fat ass anymore. If anything he looked more like a meat head. But fat or not- Cartman was still himself and I don't think I've ever liked him.

But- well- look at him. He sat down on a chair and had his face in his hands. This had to be the first time I've ever seen him this- upset. My phone went off- telling me that it was time to clock out. But- I couldn't go.

Oh Abraham, why did I do this to myself.

"Uh- hey Cartman, uh- you- ok?" That was a stupid question. But I didn't have anything else. He looked up at me with watery brown eyes, looking very much like a wounded dog. I bit my lip. Why did I feel sorry for this asshole?

"Why yes Kyle. My cat, my fucking best friend, got hit by a truck that didn't even stop. I'm probably the happiest kid in the world right now."

"_You_-" I took a deep breath and buried that insult away for another time, "Sorry- I- That sucks."

"Thank you Captain understatement. What the fuck are you even doing here Kyle?"

"I was volunteering here and I just got off but-"

"Then don't let me keep you." Fuck I swear! This guy!

"I'm trying to fucking comfort you fat ass!" I narrowed my eyes.

"Well don't! You don't care and you don't need to fucking pretend you do! I'm probably going to lose my cat so leave me alone and take your god damned pity with you." He went right back to putting his face in his hands. If I was smart- which I like to think I am- I would leave. But I guess my brain was on tempary hiatus because like an idiot I sat down in the seat next to him. I hesitated at first, but then went ahead and put my hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry dude, about your cat. But Frank is a good doctor. I'm sure he-" I wasn't going to say anything irresponsible like his cat was going to live or be ok. I didn't know that. I couldn't know that. And I wasn't going to do that to him, "I'm sure he's going to do everything he possibly can. Mr. Kitty is in good hands." I think that was safe enough. Cartman just stood there, face hidden. I wasn't sure if I helped or anything but he didn't hit me or shove me off- so I guess I wasn't- Whoa!

"Fucking tell anyone and I'll kill you." Cartman mumbled. He had basically grabbed my torso around the middle and was resting in my lap. I sighed and patted his hair, getting braver and running my hands though it.

"It's not like I'd be rushing to tell anyone this." I mumbled right back and let him sniffle on my shirt. I sighed and leaned my head back on the wall, "It'll be ok Cartman. I- I won't leave until it's over." I promised. Cartman was silent once again for a few minutes.

"Thanks Kyle."


	4. Soap and Bathrooms

**[[Sorry I've been on hiatus, but I've been super busy and have had severe writers block. Really- I'm so sorry! I'm tying to work on eveything and I really hope you all forgive me. **

**This one is a Clyde and Tweek friendship for _TweekingOut_]]**

Clyde grumbled to himself as he walked down the hall with a disciplinary slip in his hand. This wasn't fair. How is it that Craig could punch, kick, spit, trip, and even pants [yes, pants] him in class for the hell of it, and the one time Clyde slaps him for being a douche- he gets caught and sent to the office.

"Fucking Craig." He kicked the floor and walked right past the office. Like he was actually going to go. Yeah right.

This was all _his _fault!

No.

Not Craig.

He may be the reason Clyde flipped out and slapped him, but the real reason this happened, was because of him. The bane of his existence. Best friend stealer Tweek Tweak!

Ugh.

Even his name was lame. But Craig always said how cool it was he basically had the same name twice. Craig thought the fucking sun shined out of that skinny little faggot's ass! Tweek had a nervous tic, and Craig thought it was charming. Tweek shouted and screamed whenever someone so much as walked up to him, and Craig thought it was just a cool quirk. Tweek had random crazy ass paranoid theories about everything, and Craig thought it was the coolest thing in the world.

Jesus!

This was worse than when he met Thomas. Craig kicked him to the curb and hung out with the little tourettes kid for weeks! Thankfully though Craig got tired and came running back to him. Ok- maybe that was an exaggeration. Craig just showed up to his house, said 'hey', and then everything went back to normal. But still! That proved that Clyde was his best friend.

Token said Clyde was a little too jealous. Jealous? Ha! Jealous. He was not jealous! He just didn't like some random kid coming to their group and stealing Craig away. What was so special about Tweek Tweak anyway? This wasn't like the Thomas incident at all. Craig was with Tweek all the time _and _he brought him with him to their hang outs. Craig never brought Thomas to movie night at Tokens. Craig never brought Thomas with them when they went down to Stark's Pond to get wasted and stoned. Craig never brought Thomas to their monthly trip to Denver to go mess around in the city. But he brought Tweek. He took Tweek everywhere! And if Tweek wasn't with Craig, he was either on the other line or text on Craig's cell. It was ridiculous!

He wasn't jealous though.

Besides, Token was way too accepting! When Craig brought Tweek over to his house, instead of freaking like Clyde was, Token just smiled and welcomed Tweek into their group like he'd always been there!

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't cool of Craig to replace him either.

That's why he slapped Craig. Clyde was trying to talk to Craig, but Craig wasn't listening to him. He was busy hunched over his phone, chuckling. When Clyde saw it was Tweek who the message was from, he voiced his anger.

"Dude- can you like- get your head out of Tweek's ass for five minutes and talk to me?"

"What's your problem?" As if he had no idea what he was talking about!

" All you do is hang around Tweek. When are you going to drop that little freak and come back to your real friends?"

"Shut up Clyde." Craig rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious Craig. I get how you find nut cases fascinating and all, but-"

"_I'm _serious Clyde. Shut the fuck up about Tweek." Clyde narrowed his eyes. What now? Was Tweek Craig's new best friend?

"Well forgive me if I think it's about time you drop him and stop ignoring me, your real best friend!" Craig just stared at Clyde. He blinked in a calculating way before pinching the bridge of his nose.

"You think- wow. You're retarded. Tweek and I- ok you know what? I'm not explaining it. You're so stupid."

"Fuck you! I just don't like being replaced!"

"Get over yourself. You don't even know what you're talking about, moron." Now Craig was just making fun of him! "Let me know when you get off the rag." That was when Clyde slapped him and got immediately caught.

Stupid Craig. He was just trying to downplay the fact that Tweek was replacing him.

Stupid Tweek! It was his fault in the first place! Clyde saw a monitor and quickly ducked inside the bathroom. He walked across the tile and suddenly his foot slid out from under him.

"Oh shit!" Clyde yelled, doing one of the most embarrassing series of fumbles back, "Ow!"

This just wasn't his day.

He felt tears welling up in his head. Oh god- he didn't want to cry! He couldn't help it- Craig was a jerk, he always gets in trouble, and now his ass was soapy and sore. This day sucked! He heard the door open. Perfect. Now he was about to get caught on the slippery floor, covered in soap and looking pitiful. Could it get any worse?

"J-Jesus Christ," Why god. Why? "C-Clyde, are you ok?" A school full of kids and adults, and Tweek fucking Tweak is the one to find him looking like this.

That was just gravy.

"Fine." Clyde grumbled, sitting up and feeling pain nag at his back and ego. Why in God's name did it have to be Tweek, the guy who was replacing him, have to find him looking at sympathetic like that.

"Oh Jesus- who made the floor all slippery." Tweek grabbed his arm in his hands. Clyde wanted to push him off, but he actually could use the help to get up, "S-sit on the sink man, you're elbow is bleeding." Tweek helped him up.

"Why do you even care?" Clyde snapped. Why was this freak being so nice to him?

"You could get a disease and die man! I don't w-want you to die!" How touching. Tweek kept raving and ranting without stopping to realize Clyde did not want him there. "Are- are you ok?" He asked again. Clyde sighed, he had no will to stay angry.

"Oh yeah Tweek- I'm fucking swell. Soapy back and hair, bleeding elbow, and sore back. But I'm ok." Tweek simply blinked at him and looked around.

"W-where's your bathroom pass? D-did you drop it?" Was there a reason his insults were just getting brushed off?

"Don't have one. I got sent out because of Craig."

"W-what he do?"

"Just being a cunt." Clyde grumbled, watching Tweek slowly tread to the paper towel dispenser. Suddenly the monitor from the hall poked his ugly head in. His eyes fell on Clyde and narrowed. Shit.

"Donovan. What are you doing out of class?"

"Bathroom." He lied, groaning internally at how he was probably going to get caught and in even more trouble. The perfect end to a perfect day.

"Where's your pass?"

"Right h-here sir." Tweek held up his pass. Clyde's mouth fell a little open. Why did Tweek just cover for him? The monitor looked unconvinced.

"Oh? Well why do you have it Mr. Tweak?"

"C-Clyde took a nasty fall. It f-fell from his hand." Holy shit. Look at Tweek Tweak lying like it was no pressure at all.

"Well- hurry back to class." The man grumbled and disappeared. Tweek smirked and went back to Clyde.

"L-let me see your elbow dude." Clyde was too stunned to say or do anything. His arm lay limp as Tweek took hold of it and began cleaning off the blood, "Y-your shirt is really wet. You can have my flannel. I use it like a jacket but it's pretty warm today. It should fit you if you don't button it."

"Why did you do that?" Clyde asked. Tweek frowned.

"D-do what?"

"Help me. What have I ever done for you?" The blond shrugged and tossed the paper towel in the trash. He started taking off his flannel too.

"W-we're friends dude, aren't we?" Clyde stared at the offering of a dry shirt. Tweek was- really nice. No one but Craig and Token had ever stuck up for him. And Clyde had done nothing but be rude and rip on the poor guy. Was it true? Was he really just- jealous? Because now that he thought about it- there was really nothing to hate about Tweek at all. He- he was actually pretty cool.

"Yeah. Thanks." Clyde took the shirt and slung it over his shoulders, "just uh- don't think you can replace me. I'll share Craig with you, but you can't have him all to yourself." Clyde grinned, playing off his insecurity. Tweek made a face.

"D-dude! I- I'm not into that!"

"Huh?"

"I'm not into polygamy!" Tweek cringed back. Clyde was really confused.

"What now?"

"Oh! Ha- ha- oh my god man, You mean as friends!" The blond laughed, face looking as though he finally understood. Which was good because Clyde still had no clue why he said was base for laughing. And wanted to be filled in, "C-Clyde- Craig and I are kinda- seeing each other. So when you said you'd share him-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa- wait a minute. You and Craig are messing around!" Clyde's jaw dropped a second time that day.

"Of course. W- why do you think we've been spending so much time together?"

"Fucking Craig!"


End file.
